TAMMY

so long.

2010-09-26T13:32:00.002+08:00

I think I can revive my blog for now. I have this urge to start blogging down my feelings

It's been so long I know.

You wanna know what I am up to and been through?

HELL.

This is all.

I thought I found a good job, but no, my job sucks and I hate everything about it.

I am lost in life ad I dont know what to do anymore.

the big deal

2010-06-03T04:42:00.002+08:00

maybe the big deal is that I am afraid, of everything.

maybe I just want to be happy, much more then usual

I want you by my side cos it's time to be a bit more selfish

it's a big deal.

to me, at least.

it will be a big deal for me

to know how important I am.

I hate sleepless nights and endless waitings.

I am doing nothing yet I am tired,

maybe it's life, maybe it's me.

everything now is a big deal to me, alright?

P.S. Happiness is so unattainable.

我愛他

2010-05-24T01:32:00.003+08:00

我愛他跌跌撞撞到絕望

我的心深深傷過卻不會忘

我和他不再屬于這個地方

最初的天堂最終的荒唐

its been a while

2010-05-22T02:41:00.003+08:00

yeah i know, been lazy to blog, tired to bog, but now this sudden urge to blog is like back so yup, I'm here.

it's been hectic all time, but i am glad i dont have to face school anymore, so i'm glad like dont know what.

haha,

I guess, being happy is very hard to attain.

My happiness never last for a week.

welllsss~~~

gotta hit a full time soon, and i guess, that will prove what life is all about, I do hope it's more than that.

hitting the club tml, with my boyfriend, yes him,

omg,

I never imagine this day will come, but I guess all will be drinking, no one to hit the dance floor with me :(

boooooooooo!

i hope xuefang will dance with me :) weeeheee!

mad broke, so many things to buy

make up items

bags

shoes!!!

clothes!

I hope bliss, lasts.

Shour out to LIHAH!!
HAPPY 20TH!!!

I love Audi and you cannot stop me.

2010-03-07T23:14:00.003+08:00

Ok, when it comes to cars,
I am a total noob, I swear.

All I know is you accelerate and you brake. And of cos reverse.
That's all.
Seriously.

Came one fine day,
I realize I DO know about cars and got into a Facebook fight about cars.
I am very active on facebook, and very mean for strangers.
SO what?
I like leh.

So the story goes,
I had a dream about me, drving a Subaru Legacy to school.
Awesome much, in actual life, I hate Subaru to the core.
But Legacy is chio and trust me,

It is,

Sleek and not as disgusting at the Ah Beng WRX or whatever shit *Vroom vroom*
And being active on Twitter, I tweet about it.

So, three of us, happily chatting about Audi where a retard came along.
I introduce you, Francois.

And as you people can see,
Brags about Daddy's Car, friend car.
Wait!!!~

HIS CAR LEH???????????

He avoid my question,
So the real question does he even own one to talk so big?

And off he goes, being sexist and offending me wayyyy too much already.
So he think girls are stupid when I comes to car?

HELLO FRANCOIS!
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CARS, BUT I KNOW THAT ACCELERATE TO RAMP YOU, AND BRAKE WHEN I AM DONE THEN I REVERSE BACK TO ORIGINAL PLACE!
How bout' that?

And he goes

Friend's Friend's car,
Daddy' car.

WHERE IS HIS FREAKING CAR???

And awesome Dee, Justin and Daniel helped me Wheee...
Justin own a R8 and Daniel sometimes at least got a car to drive me around.

So, being bored, I twit cos talking to idiots like him really entertained me a hell lot.

This guy don't know when to give up and shut up.

Justin is awesome.

Only after Justin have to show off, then he was like a walk car advertisement,
and talking contradiction!
NB!

And he act friendly

*PUIIIIIIII

Audi looks like this.

Lambo

Ferrari

Ok, all ARE super cars, but it varioes what, why must say AUDI crappy and worship other cars like mad and insult me?
Fucker.

So I went on twitter and saw this..

Begging me to follow him.
And guess what I don't know it was HIM on twitter.

I guess photoshop made a diff, he looks not bad here and all.
so I never thought they will be the same person.

In Facebook he looks like this.

And he wanna insult Justin Beiber.

*rawr! I look like a Dinosaur and I love my DADDY'S and my FRIEND'S FRIEND'S car.*
Looking like a Dinosaur is not a plus point to insult Justin Bieber.
He isn't much of a looker himself.
Imagine someone that ugly.

He was constantly replying my tweets.

I think I did reply eh,
I really never notice him one!

After all this Ordeal,
He deleted me off Facebook and unfollow me in Twitter.
Oh, I get it.
You failed getting my attention and your a sore loser!

I get it now, no car, brags about daddy, Early twenties, as useless as me in ITE.
Failing to get girls attention, getting celebrities attention on twitter, hoping that they will reply to a Dinosaur.

Hmmmm.

I think a Jaguar Suit this Francois guy,
Cos I just design a new Dinosaur series.

I think when he drives it sings "Barney is a Dinosaur...."

Don't let me see you Francois,
Don't ever let me see you, If not...

Happy Barney Day everyone.

RORARRRRR!!!!!!

it's disheartening

2010-02-22T03:42:00.002+08:00

To realize both guys and girls work very differently.

I guess this is a long entry, shall revive my blogger for wordy posts sometimes.

I post what I like and what I feel on twitter, and the twitter post goes to my Facebook posts.

I've deleted a lot of comments and ALOT trust me; of comment that irks me bad.

The "delete" function is there for a reason.

It disheartening, to realize a lot of thing right now.

People, just because others think and behave differently than you are, doesn't mean they're bad or evil.

Thinking and personalities are subjective and who actually have the right to judge anybody?

Advices are one thing, but do you actually know you are giving the right advice?

Or it turn out and really gave the person the idea you are judgmental?

Girls are generally sensitive, they love and cry a lot, and they tend to express feelings more. That's the same with all the girls i know.

They want the guys to know how they feel, read their post, respond. Get upset over small matter, stays happy over small matter.

Guys are not good with words, not sensitive, lost at what to do all the time, but they love differently than girls generally. Guys are like this, not their fault. And they cry, in silence.

Everything is just so subjective and unsure.

How can anybody be sure to tell me "hey, you deserve someone better"

but..

better is how better?

someone better?

you know who i deserve?

you know it will be better?

you know me?

At the same time, you might be hearing this "deserve better" shit, but yet, inside, you still long for that bitch/jerk that hurt you so bad.

Funny right.

At the point when you tell people the same thing, you think, go and think when your heart broken and missing someone so bad, does it goes in?

Does your heart agrees you really deserves better?

Can you accept it?

Do you even like hearing it?

You see.

I accept sadness and even if my friends when back together with that jerk or bitch, i kept quiet and support them.

Cos i know, one day or even now, I am this stupid and brainless.

It's a kind of faith and believe.

And yes, some sadist, like your truly, enjoy that 9 months of pain for 1 month of bliss.

Lots of people do.

Crazy thing love what.

Before you say, I believe all will be crazy in love before.

Don't tell me you all never done crazy things in love?

And I post my feelings, for my girl and daniel(though you never read and never respond) to read, not for you to tell me what to do and expect me to listen.

I hate comments defending guys.

I think at least TRY to think as a guy to accommodate.

Did you think before posting that filthy comment defending your own kind?

Females can be cheaters and fuckers.

I don't deny.

So guys are cheaters and fuckers too.

Statistics maybe be equal.

But FUCK YOU ALL, guys are the most Jerks that girls will ever be bitchy.

We bitch and fight like a boy for the one we love.

And are called whores cos we let them fuck us cos we love you.

Then why don't I see the man bitching for the sake of us?

Guys can have that dick to fuck.

We contribute holes.

It's two way and the girl is the whore and the guy is power?

FUCK YOU

ALL!

It's always a two way thing.

Guys are whores, guys are sluts too.

Both are heartbreakers.

It's just how you bother to meant this break.

Daniel lau is trying.

But I guess, I see the effort, but I don't feel that difference.

I am happy.

He is not the kind, that love me upmost.

And shows.

Cos I never knew until now how important I am and I never can tell.

Though I know I want him celebrate to my birthday with me, I know he wont change for long.

Though I know he does more things for me now, I know he wont change for long.

Though it hurts to hear the date 15, i lived.

Though very much I want him back,I know he wont change for long and I will face that pain again.

Though people might think he loved me a lot, I want him to show in word and visible actions to the world.

Though for 10 months I wished, it change for a while and never last long.

He tried, but not as much as I do.

I know he thinks that I will ways be there but I'm not.

He knows I still love him, but I can always get a substitute in spite still loving.

He thinks things will be back to normal or same after a few months, it might, but he will not change for long.

I tried, even now I tried for him to know me better, but he did not appreciate.

I can act how normal, in front of everyone, but I am single.

Cos he did not change for long.

for the first time, from the bottom of my heart, I don't really care anymore.

Escape with me

2010-02-11T03:04:00.001+08:00

GO to tumblr, I update more there :)
tammychua.tumblr.com

yawn.

2010-02-10T14:36:00.002+08:00

Mad sleepy lately.

AOFA was screwed, why am I even not surprised.

Sigh.

Oh well.

Dreading work more and more eaach day.

My turn to leave after CNY, toodles.

tik tok

2010-02-09T02:24:00.001+08:00

this is it

2010-02-07T20:09:00.001+08:00

"I am parting with you
This time, I will not look back
Such a pity that all the memories and vows
Cannot survive forever
This is most definitely not your fault
Blame us, instead, for not being natural and mature enough with each other
When urging became my bonds, you could not understand my love
Past happiness have vanished without a trace
And my road is now long and weary

Forgive me for not being able to endure this heavy load
During midnight dreams I am always resentful and hurt
Believing you had given me my own heaven
Let us wave and depart to our own stupidity
Perhaps we shall meet again in future
And relieve today's memories
If at that time you still care for me
I will instantly fly back to your heaven"

最后一次的机会了

2010-02-07T19:11:00.000+08:00

在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去

最后一次 - 17岁女生
刘荣华提供歌词(2008 10 30)

先走了去了好远的地方

不能再陪你看日出等不到天亮
所有回忆抹去却并不容易
生死由天决定不要太伤心
在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去

在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去

我永远爱你。

最后一次 - 17岁女生
刘荣华提供歌词(2008 10 30)

did you notice that i'm gone?

2010-02-06T01:54:00.004+08:00

Before I start blogging, here a thought..

people are so judgmental and irritating.

I appreciate each and every girlies I have who talked to me and gave me all the advices in the world.

for all this, i thank you from the bottom on my heart.

but someone explain to me, what benefit you for you to judge me and tell me exactly what to do?

i mean, this is my life, my love. still.

i appreciate ADVICES.

Not people telling me exactly what to do and to let go.

Since when people will say the things Cheryl once said to me?

"Take my time to move on?"

I mean, if you know me.

this is the way I am.

I like to be miserable and emo when I am this way.

I can't change this, cos everyone have their way of expressing emotions and sadness.

This is my way, to smoke and drink. and cry and show everyone my fuck face.

Happy?

Everyone have their way.

Some hides it.

I like to show how miserable I am.

not to seek attention or people to pity me.

This is me.

So what? It made me feel better so you cansuck my balls.

All the people can tell me to move on, ditch it, find a new guy,

But ask yourself, girls.

Not many can move in fast like you do.

Can you find the decency to do the things you told me if you were in my shoes?

If yes, good for you and fuck off from my blog.

If no, the you know how I feel.

If you wanna judge I am foolish.

Then why are you the foolish one getting yourself pissed off by reading my fucking foolish blog?

Fuck off from it then.

I'm pathetic now.

Accept it.

I like to be emo, miserable and blog what and all I feel.

This is me.

Stop that judgmental thinking,

Buay tahan then unfollow me in twitter, stop reading.

Your guys are getting pissed off cos you choose to read my blog.

If you are really my friend, you let me be miserable.

Cos Derrick is like this.

Daniel will be.

Cos I am like this.

Get it or not?

another day goes by that i fall apart, can’t stop thinking about you. I completely wore myself out crying all day. it was just one of those days. i hate this. i hate all of this. i want this to get better. i wish there was something more that i could do. you’re never going to understand, or see this in any other way. you’re wrong. for everything. i wish you weren’t so dumb and could see that for yourself. or admit it.

i miss you.

*

4 Feb, Day 1

10:14
last message

"Morning Baby"

And everything slipped away cos I let it.

15:54

"Nah, tmlI bring your things to school, so late"

Me: I don't care

16:01

"Okay,suit yourself,i don want you too tired only.

Tammy, DONT BE SOFT HEARTED and DONT CRY.

I gritted my teeth and replied : It doesn't matter, I can cab home

16:24

"It matters to me, later the cab duno go where"

Hit me hard in the face, but yet: Fine, bring to school then, why I waste my money one those cab.

Went to school and smile.

Thanks girls.

But I am sad and miserable.

I don't want to cry in front of anyone.

Except when I am alone.

I don't want to cry in front of anyone anymore.

Work.

Cut finger.

Work, giddy.

Home.

Felt even worst.

I never close this msn window.

it is still there on the space of my mac.

Never will close and never will off my com.

So it makes me better just by reading it.

Felt miserable.

I cried so bad, but I told myself not to be soft hearted.

I don't want the same pain he will bring me.

I want him to really change.

I was surprised he would say this.

Mad surprised.

All I could said was "OK"

Everything was not.

5 Feb, Day 2.

Woke up. Check phone.

No text.

Hit in the face by reality.

Gone.

Time check, 10am

11:46

"You want your things or next time"

I stoned,

And Said

"I want them, why I want to keep them with you"

11:48
"Then I now pass to you"
11:48
"Mayb later,i go do things first"

13:48
"Erm you work now? I now come lo"
13:50
"Then you want meet me where?"
13:54
"Got such place? The mama shop?"
14:01
"I try walk and see"
14:05
"Piang eh,I stuck in the rain"

While waiting, I can't breath,

Took my thing, returned his.

And walk off.

I can't look at his face cos I know I will cry, badly.

I walked as fast as my spoilt legs could bring me,

took a glance, I saw no one.

I cried on 963.

Can't describe the pain of walk away.

But I know walking away, means walking away from more pain.

Sucks.

Went to Bukit Panjang to meet my cousin.

16:29
"Hey,you got get wet mah.here like rain until so heavy sia"

I was glad, very glad to receive that message.

5 min later at the bus stop in front of BPP,

I saw that car drove past.

I saw that guy in the car.

I froze in the cold and freeze.

I stood and stare at the car pass me by.

17:18
"You ah.don catch cold better"

I can't do this, at all

It hurts so much.

我不懂为什么付出的全落空

6 Feb, Day 3

Woke up and check phone.

How nice will it be to get a text.

I must not give in.

Went wok yesterday, I was chatting with my greatest love advisor, YaoHong.

And pull her in a corner and said

"I broke up with him"

And she nearly dropped our tray.

I smiled. A little.

And she just stared and stared.

And I nodded.

Eyes wetting.

And she nodded too.

After work, we took a walk in esplanade park.

She told me something different from anyone on the world.

"I know you like my sister. If you need to run back to him, go ahead, cos this is your love life, not anyone else's. All the people in the world including me can give you all the best advices in the world. Your girlfriends had already done so.

By the end of the day, I know you are the one deciding for all this in the long run.

Listen to what you have to do and what you want to do.

I know you miss him.

Let each other think and cool down, I'm sure he will think too

Ignore what the world has to say, including mine, listen only to yourself"

I felt this sense of gratitude I never felt before.

She knows me well.

Very well.

To know how I want to deal with this,

Cos believe it or not.

She went through exactly the same thing.

We are facing a break up together now.

Thanks so much, for crying with me.

I feel your pain.

Right now.

"You" obviously cannot fulfill the things you have promised.

Otherwise, things wouldn't be the way they are now.

I guess I need my time to quiet down and think what I really want.

Physical you.

Or a you that change and love me whole heartedly without your bochup-ness,

And to think if I have you back, will I go through the same pain over again.

And I think you too, need to reflect and think about all your doing in the relationship.

I spoon-fed you too much, and I guess I am too part of the cause of all this.

And you, need to reflect and think about the love we used to share & the love I used to shower you.

And be the man I know you truly can be.

I hope to you, this is not the end.

There are so many things I wished to say to you.

Now is not the right time and my blog may not be the right place.

This is not the end of my love for you.

I loved you, even at your worst.

Now, you time to do your best.

Or maybe, you don't even want to do anything at all.

I hope for the day.

When I could sit and talk to you.

And so the things we ever wanted to do so much.

I can wait, 5 years, 10 years.

As long your love don't fade.

But if you never change.

The years don't mean a thing.

See you around.

Eu ainda amo-o

2010-02-05T01:43:00.002+08:00

Maybe one day,
I will blog our story here.
& Explain all over again,

Why I choose to let go of the person, i love and cared so much.
And simply can't live or breathe without.

Right now,
Let me breath & indulge in the pain,
the pain to show my presence.

Maybe,
one day,
I will hold you back in my arms.
If you change the world.

Right now.
I shall wash my face with tears each night.

I'm happy.
But yet, a lil' empty.

I know my girlfriends, everyone of them, won't judge me much.
And so much will say
"I told you so"

I

f you think I never miss you, I did.
If you think it didn't hurt me, it did.
If you think I am happy, I am.
If you think I don't love you anymore, search your heart for all the things I did.
If you think there is no hope, then you have really given up.

Like I keep saying,
I've done my part, now it's your turn.

It's time for you to learn, how to treasure.
How to love.
How to not always put yourself above all.
How to cherish.
& be that man, I know you truly can be.

I'm drained,
I guess you are too.

If you think only your world crashed think again.
Who is the one dying to spend CNY and V Day with you.
Who is so looking forward to our supposed 1 year and my birthday.

It was never easy.
To love and leave.

It hurts.
And it took me weeks and huge amount of courage.
And it took me even more, not to cry, even if I am on the verge.

I will pull through this.
till we meet again, or may not.

At this, I will still move on.
And will still accept, someone worthy.
If you think you can, don't give up.

I can't allow myself,
to let you keep me in suicide.
To kill me slowly.
To ruin me.

Change, not for me.
For yourself.

We'll talk, someday.

P.S. Thanks for telling me you missed me, At least 10 months wasn't and I realized only today, I dox mean something to you,

cry me out

2010-02-04T01:30:00.001+08:00

Maybe I wasn’t asking you to love me. Maybe I was asking you to understand. Because for so long, I’ve been hurt. and for so long you’ve ignored it. And maybe its bad timing, or maybe you just don’t care. I’ve been here all along waiting, waiting for you to notice. Waiting for you to care. Waiting for you to say that you’ve been waiting too, and you haven’t. And maybe you never will or maybe you’re just afraid to. But it still hurts all he same. And in the end, I’m the one that’s left broken. And when i lay down to sleep, I’m still the one crying. So screw the bad timing. I’ve loved you then, like i love you now, like i probably always will.

*

Its the silence that tells it all. Sometimes its not about the yelling and the tears. All it takes is for two people to sit beside each other and feel that something is wrong; that what was there isn’t there now. That they’re miserable when they’re apart but they’re much worse when they are together. And that there’s only two options left. Either they sit still and ignore the pain or one of them gathers enough courage to stand up and walk away.

*

If you are not sure where you stand in someone’s life, its best to leave things behind so that if they drop you off, it will be easier to forget them. Don’t waste time waiting for nothing. When efforts are not recognized, its best to just give things up. You’ve done your part let them do theirs.

*

Don’t be scared that you won’t find anyone else who will love you. Because you will when the time is right. Give yourself the chance to be happy even if it means letting go of something seemingly good. Changes can be hard at the start, but it doesn’t mean that if things change, it will always be for the worse. It will be hard at the start, but it would definitely get better someday.

*

It hurts to be rejected by someone you like. But believe me. It hurts ten times more to be turned away by someone who once swear undying love for you.

＊

Sometimes, when people decide to leave you for good, you have to let them. No matter how much you don’t want them to. There are some things that are far beyond our control. And even if you have the strength to fight for them, you have to accept the cold, harsh truth. That the people you can’t live without, can live without you.

:)

2010-01-31T17:09:00.003+08:00

happiness is spelt with them around.

xoxo

I wished all guys knew this...

----LIST OF THINGS GIRLS WISH GUYS KNEW----

1. Don't think that just because you didn't tell us we are never going to find out.

2. Our friends know EVERYTHING.

3. EVERYTHING said to our friends will be told to us. Garranteed.

4. No matter what we say, we hate your ex-girlfriend.

5. We check our phones every hour to see if you have replied to our texts, then worry if you haven't.

6. The fact you might leave us for another girl keeps us up at night.

7. When we're not talking to you on MSN, we're actually waiting for you to talk to us (in a non-snobby way, we want to see if you still care enough to talk to us).

8. When we act sad, we want you to hug us.

9. Our favourite part of the MSN convo is at the end when you say good bye, because that's the part you say you love us.

10. We actually freak out on what to do during holidays like Valentines Day.

11. We don't care what our friends think of you, but we do care what your friends think of us.

12. Yes, you might be the reason we failed that Maths test.

13. We are very, very scared of scaring you away.

14. We don't care about what we talk about, just as long as we have your attention for a few minutes.

15. Of course, we do believe the crap we read in magazines.

16. We have mood swings. Get over it.

17. Everytime you're around other girls, we worry they are better than us.

18. We don't want to hear how cool your ex-girlfriend/neighbour/best gal friend is.

19. Movies like 'He's Just Not That Into You' depress us.

20. We will move mountains on our timetable if it means seeing you.

21. We compare every other guy to you, and you always come out best.

22. We hate it when you go to discos without us.

23. We hate feeling as if we are like any other girl.

24. Don't brag about other girls liking you, it just makes us insecure.

25. When we say everything is 'fine', it generally means everything is absolutely horrible and we are on the brink of falling to pieces.

26. Don't just say 'ok' when we say we don't want to talk about it.

27. If you want to know something about us, ask our best friend.

28. If you do not hug us, we will not kiss you.

29. We think you are the best guy in the world.

30. We.Will.Kill.You.If.We.See.You.Slow.Dancing.With.Another.Girl.Without.Telling.Us.

31. We really do want you to stick up for us.

32. Compliments. We love them.

33. Be on time. We will think you don't care if you're not on time at a certain place.

34. Whether you say (L) or luv or love does matter.

35. We don't care if you couldn't come on that date because of the most embarrassing reason in the world, just don't lie to us.

36. We like cuddling up to you so let us.

37. Silent Treatment + Short Answers + Not Smiling or Laughing + Evil Looks = YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG.

38. You will be classed in our 'Hate' list if you forget our birthday.

39. Do not ask what's wrong. We'll never tell you we just want you to cuddle us.

40. You need to tell us what you think of us, we don't make assumptions (apart from 'OMG HE'S GONE OFF ME HASN'T HE?!')

41. Telling us that we are pretty will mean absolute LOADS.

42. Do not make fun of us unless we are in a good mood. As insecure as girls go, we take these things very seriously.

43. If you do end up doing Number 42, you just have to hope we aren't in a bad mood.

44. Saying something sweet MIGHT get you off the hook. Doing something sweet will ALWAYS get you off the hook.

45. We never forget things. Ever.

46. We over-analyze everything.

47. We over-react to everything.

48. When we are mad at you, we aren't actually mad at you we just want you to apologize so we can start showing we like you again.

49. Please don't stand 384931491329403 feet away from us. Even if we are scary.

50. Please acknowledge that when we are online when you sign in, we probably have waited ages for you to come online so please make it worthwhile.

51. We do not care if 50 000 other guys declared their love for us if you never do it none of it matters.

52. We don't like being used.

53. We like it when you do un-expected nice things.

54. We usually don't let just any guy make us cry, so if you make us cry, damnnn you must have done something bad...

55. This is the way it works: You don't give us any attention, we dump you. It is NOT: You don't give us any attention, we chase after you. Deal with it.

56. We like it when you are protective of us. It makes us feel special.

57. Unless she is a moronic idiot, a girl who truly loves you will love you for a long, long time.

58. When we come back from a holiday and brag about how awesome it was, during the entire time there we were probably thinking about you. A lot.

59. No matter where we are or what we are doing, we really want you to hold our hand.

60. And please for the love of god shut up about how fit other girls are. You know we like you and the fact you do this despite you knowing how we feel is just evil.

I wanted you

2010-01-29T11:53:00.004+08:00

I wanted you to be there when I fall

I wanted you to see me through it all

I wanted you to be the one I love

I wanted you to hold me in my sleep

I wanted you to show me what I need

I wanted you to know just how down deep

If I said this coming Valentine's Day meant a lot to me, will you even plan something special for me?

Will you choose to leave your family a while just for me?

Can I be fucking more important that ANYTHING else for once?

2010-01-27T15:25:00.002+08:00

Have you ever love someone so so much, but yet deep down inside you know that he isn't and can't be the one you wanna spend your whole lifetime with?

I am feeling this right now.

There is no more reason for me to hold on anymore.
I'm mad tired of this love.

Rather it's killing me.

你，不会爱。

我听着你说爱我，

感觉却不是感动。

我想你真的爱我，

单我耶真的很痛。

那里才会有里开你的出口，
离开以后能往那里走？

怎么会，爱只剩着一些？

bliss.

2010-01-24T23:51:00.004+08:00

Ally's Birthday

Awesome.

I love them a lot and sure wants the best for them.
Though sometimes I'm mean or so, but I still do love them.

*

Slacking at James' with Dee was awesome.
Baby came too.
Midnight swimming plus heart to heart chat with sexy Dee.
wished my darlings were here very much.

I love my big neh neh.

Singapore Flyer - An experience of a lifetime..

MY Favorite girls.

heats this picture.

A good experience, still scary.
I'm the scary cats of heights.
The rest are so not scared lo.

Filled with ITE clementi people leh!

Excited yet scared me.

Capsule.

Mira and me.

A freaked out kayu and me !
omgomg, we're boarding!

All aboard!

Flyer is love with the girls.

*Baby's Supper *

Baby brought me supper after work.
Love love!!

:)

Thanks baby, love and appreciate it!
Not bad, baby can cook :)

*Victoria Secrets*

PArt of my shipping arrived!
Make up and undies!

Luminous shadow.

Chio like mad gloss palette.

Wet/Dry Bronze shadow.

Lips and cheek tin :)

Candy pink gloss.

And all my lovely undies, cute right.

**

Did my nails at Junying.
Love them

Visit her blog!
Shes super friendly and nice!!!!

http://thistlebellenail.blogspot.com/

need to work so cant have crazy nails :(

Night u all people.
xoxo

will you?

2010-01-20T01:28:00.002+08:00

Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect? Will you still love me even if I’m not the kind of person you wished I were? Will you still look into my eyes with warmth even if you saw my shadows? Will you still hold my hand even if you knew there will be times I’d let you down?

For though I yearn to take care of you as I should, though I desire to love you with a love that never falters and fades, my knees tremble this very moment that you hold me in your arms.

Shall I kiss you? Shall I hold your hand and bask in the light of your spirit knowing that I have my darkness, knowing there will be times that the light of my love will sometimes be overshadowed by the darkness that is in me?

Sometimes I’d be silent and I might bore you. I may not laugh at your jokes, and you may not understand the spell that’s enshrouding me. Sometimes I’d get troubled and I’d fail to put into words what the hell it is that troubles me. I wouldn’t be good company then, and I couldn’t make you smile.

Sometimes I’d get moody and I might not enjoy the things you’d like us to do together. Sometimes I’d lose my temper and I’d no longer act like the fine person who stands before you today. Sometimes I’d get jealous and I might say things I don’t really mean. Sometimes I’d talk too much that I might drive you away.

Sometimed I’d get touchy and I’d get easily hurt. And no matter how mature I try to be, at times I’d act in childish ways. I’d demand things I shouldn’t, I’d say thing I shouldn’t say. And no matter how much I desire to protect you and make you happy, sometimes I’d be the one who’d cause you the most pain.

If you will love me I cannot promise you that I will not hurt you. I cannot promise you that I will not make you cry and that I’ll never break your heart. But if you will love me, I will bare my whole self naked before you, and I will reveal to you my soul. If you will love me, you can be certain that it is I that you will love, not a mask that fools you and gives you only what your eyes desire to see. If you will love me, you can be certain that you will love the depths of me, all of me that is in me, and I in turn will love you with all of me, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my spirit, with all my flaws and beauty, and with all my very heart.

can;t feel no heartbeat.

2010-01-14T06:05:00.003+08:00

I should be dealing with a lot of other things right now, I should not have the decency to blog such a long entry at a time like this,

but I should really let go, of what's weighting me down for the longest time.

I've been thinking for a long time if I should blog out this entry.

Blogging out means letting the world world know, but in the end, I decided I will.

Dear Daniel.

I could not even describe how I feel like right.

Never in my life, have I felt this way, even through my worst emotions, I never felt so weight down, so upset, so disappointed.

I just don't know what to feel or think about anymore.

So upset that the tears don't help anymore.

For the longest time, Lindis has been telling me convincing me,

You are not at all, ready for relationship.

After close to 10 months of living in denial and lies,

I believe it today, you are not ready for relationships, and the sacrifices that comes along in a relationship. And even the roles and responsibility of a boyfriend in a relationship.

I don't even know if it's worth putting myself through all this already.

I used to think it'll be worth it, you change, but you never did.

So when you can't change at all for me, does it makes sense for me to give up so much for you?

Loving you, hurts the people that loves me the most.

Thought they don't like you, but they are hurt, cos I love you.

Do you realize the impact and the consequences your causing.

I've lost so much friends.

Yet, it's all the sacrifices I made for love worth it?

I am to the extent of hurting the people that brought me up, fed me, and the ones that went through even more thick and thin with me.

What have you done, that is worthwhile enough for me?

It came to an extent and self realization for me, that I am actually teaching you how to be a boyfriend.

You know what you did wrong all this time?

*Complaining while at the same time sending me home is not showing your sincerity. It's showing your MISERY while being with me.

*Sending me home when you have car isn't what I want. And not sending me home at all, when we're taking public transport.

*Last time you sent me home with public transport is when you saw a friend sending his girlfriend home, when he stays west and she stays east; same situation.

So I guess, you didn't wanted yourself to look bad.

*When I'm having trouble and need your help a lot, where were you?

*I always came home with you, went to your area, though it's far. Since when you came over to my place and stay with me for the night anymore?

*For close to 10 months together, you never give me one thing at all.

You never give me Promises.

Promises will broke some day, but yet the promises allowed me to live in hope of you.

*You never even walk beside me that day or held my hands when we go out.

I was so scared.

Derrick did that to me, and one week later we broke up. Please prove that all Laus are not one of a kind.

Why did you let go of my tiny hands.

*You think you know when I will flare up, but the fact is you don't know.

My patience level was not high, but it has been, EXTREMELY high when I was with you.

Yet, whenever we go go, you irritate and tickle the hell of me,

I didn't get angry of blow up, cos I gave you what men always want;

FACE

*When I wake up on anniversary dates, you don't even wish me.

*You never fetch me from school anymore, or even fetch me to work.

It makes me speechless when my work friends ask.

*I change and took the effort to come to your school after you said I didn't and find you and you take it for granted.

*I skip class one Tuesday to make you lunch, when did you show me you really appreciate it?

*You don't bother to show everyone how much you love me. You don

You don't bother to show me how much you love me.

You don't bother cos every time your too lazy, too tired, too involved in other things to bother.

You don't bother to hold me back each time I walk away from you..

You just don't bother about anything except yourself.

Maybe you wanna ask my girls what I went through to get you the itouch.
I owe Mr Lim $1260, not $200.
Maybe you wanna ask around, thought I earn $2400, I have so much debts to clear at home for them.

But to make you happy, and cos I know youd love it, I thought spending close to $500 is worth it cos money did not matter.
I thought, what makes you happy matters. It was your birthday present anyway.
And I don't even see you protecting the itouch.
You don't show me, how much it means to you.
When your friend spoil it, you don't feel it, I do.

Cos after clearing all the debts, finally yesterday, I have no more money to eat.

You don't know and you don't bother.

You know what I want?
You know what I always wanted?

*I want you, to take long bus rides with me and send me home. Even if we have to go home at 7pm, as long as you send me home, means we can spend more time together. You never knew that. I stay out late with you, to spend more time with you, but you were to send me home, we could go off early.

*I want you to surprise me, wait outside my work place for me. Or even fetch me after school to work, like what normal boyfriends do. You used to complain it was too far at siglap, now it's at Esplanade, you got 3 direct buses there, and I know you still have excuses.

*I want you to do things for me without being asked.

*I want you to know, that texting me you miss me does not mean you miss me. Texting me all the time does not show that you love me. SMS means nothing.
You PROVE it.

*I want you to take the initiative to take pictures with me

*I want you to bring me out to have a nice meal not foodcourt. I hate foodcourt but I eat cos you always say your broke.

*I want you, to always tell me how you feel, even if it means we will end up fighting. Cos I will understand your feelings.

*I want you not only to prove to me, but to everyone else, how much you love me.

*I want you, to make that effort so that my family and friends won't hate you. Cos to you, you don't bother.
I made that effort to talk to your mom. To have small chit chats. I did try very hard.

*I want you, to remember anniversaries and just give me a text. Even if we did not go out.

*I want you, to always hold me back when I walk away.

*I want you, to be there whenever I need you.

*I want you, to show me how much you do need me in your life. Cos I don't see that you need me at all.

* I want you, to stop pretending like you know a lot of thing, cos it actual fact, you only act like you know. Don't Deny!

*I want you, to let me have fun with you, play make up. girly stuff with me.

*I want you, to call me and chat to make sure I am fine. Not just SMS. It's not making effort.

*I want you, to call me when I am going home on my own until I get home, just to make sure I am safe.
You don't even panic when I told you I was surround by bangla and even said I deserved it.

*I want you, to not let go of my hands.

*I want you, to not irritate me when we go out.

*I want you, to coax me whenever I am angry with you.

*I want you, to get worried and keep texting or even call me when I never reply.

*I want you, to buy more things that are same with me, once in a while.

*I want you to come to my house and talk things with me, when we argue or what I ignore you and you cannot find me. LIKE A NORMAL BOYFRIEND WOULD DO..

*I want you, to always tag my blog to let me know you do read, and drop me lots of facebooks comments.

*I want you, to blog more about our outings to prove that you appreciate those times.

*I want you to give me promises you can keep and let me live in hope of you and you have to keep those promises.

There is so much more.
I don't even why you still don't get it.
I don't even know why after so much agony, you can't do things a normal boyfriends would do.

I don't know what I do, say anymore.
I'm not going to do anything anymore, the rest is your response.

Same sentence same thing, I did tried my best.

Hate,
Tammy

People, I let you all judge, why my love life always so shitty.
When life and love will be kind to me.

cry

2010-01-13T00:35:00.001+08:00

email to make my day

2010-01-11T15:51:00.001+08:00

Received an email today and I heaved a sigh.

"
Hi Class SK,

Tomorrow all students are required to take their temperature at home using your own thermometers before they leave for the campus.

Tomorrow during your AOFA lesson at 1pm i will issue College Lanyard. It has been decided at Senior Management level that as an ITE policy, all ITE students (from all three colleges) are required to wear the College Lanyard in addition to proper uniform when they move around in the campuses. For safety reasons, students can and in some cases must, take out their College Lanyard when they are in workshops or laboratories. Reasons for the implementation of this policy include:

1) ease of identification of students (the color or lanyard shows the school they belong to),
2) a good practice for our students to get use to wearing of Lanyard which is a common practice for their future work envirnment, and
3) in time to come, all students will need their ez-link card to access campus facilities, the wearing of Lanyard help facilitate this as well dsiplaying of temperature badges in special circumstances.

Best Regards.

Alamelu Ramanathan
Lecturer / Business Studies (Administration), School of Business & Services
"

Sigh, so does this mean, I can not come school when my tempt is a LITTLE high without loan sharks chasing me all over?

PFFFTTTT!!!!

Crap, full of crap.

melody in my head

2010-01-11T02:48:00.002+08:00

Life is boring.
Zirca was mad awesome with Ally&Zee, Dila&James.

Mad awesome.
Went to James' crib to wash up before heading to clarke quay.

James' mad, but I like the attention we're getting on that day.

At james', chip pink wall!

Gorgeous Ally.

Dila was hot. Period.

Rachel's Bar

In Zirca, dance.

MY baby, Addi, And Zee's hot stuff -.-
I introuduce to you, Jame Buchan.
He's damn high that day!

Yup, that's all.

Sat worked half day and went out shopping with Baby love.
DIdn't saw the bebe hoodie I wanted, so I'm thinking of another top leh.
Bought two Forever 21 tops, one's bareback till I can't wear bra, but I love it so much la.
And two pairs of Slippers from NUM.
Baby bought one, got one for free and baby let me have it :)
Happy girl!

Shopping was mad tired, I end work, baby end training.
So was like damn drained.
Went to stay over at Baby's house.

Then went home and find that my lens are here! yay!
And someone I love alot bought me a new China phone!

MAd chio pink, so fuck it if it's china phone,
I LIKE LEH.

Then I found out, it was a NOKIA, someone I love told me that it's a China Exclusive Nokia.
I have no idea la, but I like, posting pictures soon.

Sis got a mickey one too.
Touch screen some more lo.
But mine can watch TV

I'm gonna sit super tak-glam at like Starbucks outdoor at United Square
Have my legs crossed ant watch TV with all the Buzzing sound.
How can you phone beat that huh?
:P

I'm mad la.
All ang moh will be damn pissed off with me and evacuate the place!
Then the place is minemine!
Dread school in a few freaking hours.
Nah-beh.

Outing with Baby + BAD DAY

2010-01-04T22:46:00.003+08:00

Ever felt like you liked someone enough for occasional companionship, and after a while you DO love that someone... But not in that special way, and deep down you know you don't want to spend the next ten years with him? - Xiaxue

So I met Baby on Sunday at bugis in the afternoon, got a pair of shoes for shoes cos all my shoes are gone.
I totally regretted not getting the gladiators.
Oh well.
Save $$$$$$$.
Need to get a pair of work shoes too.

Then shopped around, slacked.
Then when we were at the toys department, I got a shock of my life.
Baby bought a toy to play, no kidding. It was really a kiddy toy.

See.

But it was cute, went to his house and play with the fishing thing.
HAHA.
Baby is childish.
Had a PK match with him,

I lost la. No need to say one leh.

Him fishing the last one.
Humph.

Play again.
Slacked all the way until night then baby sent me home :)

I like the feeling of baby sending me home though he will be very tired, but I know he dotes me. *beams

*

I'm loving my new hair colour lo.
Though today some teacher hinted at me to do something about it.
I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
=P

I'm about the graduate le larh.

Like wtf.
NO way I will dye it black.

Nice what, hor.

*
BAD DAY

Today is the first day of school, my day is like bad enough.
So much for 2010

Attempted to get up Ally's parent's car.
ON the way up, I hit my head, my leg slipped off, and I flew backwards towards the pavement.
My mind went black for a moment.
And I quickly get up and got in.
Damn fucking paiseh.

Motherfucking, so pain lo.
LIKE NBCCB !

Damn noob.
And my head still sitng until right now.
Giddy like mad for the entire day, felt like vomiting and all.

See, the whole hair line scalp part is all blue black.

OMGOMGOMG!

Fucking bad star for 2010

you are what i never knew I always wanted

2010-01-02T03:24:00.004+08:00

I'm kinda looking forward to an awesome year ahead.

Though I'm still pissed with my parents opening my letter :(

It's 3 am now, got work at 10 am all the way till 1 am.

If nothing delay, I can still chiong to PH.

Tentative.

Celebrated Baby❤'s birthday at Kranji Farm with his relatives.

Thanks RYAN! for all your help.

Waha.

Feels so fun with all of them.

They're damn mad, damn fun & funny.

On the way home, Baby❤'s cousin wind down the windows, find banglas and shouted,

"HEY, FUCCCCKKKKKK YOOOOOOOUUUUUU!"

Laughed like mad, had such a wonderful time there.

Awesome-ness.

Here, below was when I was slacking with Lihah♥ on NYE, had much fun with her though just two of us.

Loves girls.

Heee, mad mad hungry.
Looking forward to breakfast tomorrow :)

P.S. though I say I never miss baby❤, but the fact was I missed him a lot. I love you ^^

❤

2010-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Baby boy ❤

Hope you'll enjoy your day later!

20 years old, your a big boy now.

Enjoy yourself on this day.

I love you plenty plenty.

❤

thirtyfirstdecembertwozerozeronine

2009-12-31T03:09:00.003+08:00

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you wanted, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Everyone loves differently

Well, this struck me a bit hard. And I come to realize and know. Sigh.
Maybe last time fuss was all extra, and too much.
It made sense to me.
I was unreasonable and selfish enough.
I just wanted to know how much you love me; that's all cos I don't know.

*

Well, soon enough, it;s 31 December.
Amazing.
Next year I'm 20, so freaking old.
Time flies.
And really really flies.

I hope that ass come back soon.
I start to think it's irritating that he don't even know when he's coming back.

Super sick and tired of people asking me when he coming back.
Damn paiseh to say I don't know,
BUT HEY!
HE DON'T KMOW ALSO.

Grrrrr.

Health deteriorating, it's either appendicitis or kidney stone.
Cannot be appendicitis la.
I refuse to see a doctor cos no one accompany me.

And my mother will scold me like mad when I see a doctor.

There's this mad sharp pain on my left abdominal area, sometimes, I feel like I can faint from it.
Can't eat, can;t sleep, can't cough OR sneeze.

What if I need surgery?
Song bo!

What a way to welcome the new year.

PS: I want couple slippers from Haviannas please please PLEASE!!!
It's like, you buying same slippers with me, someone will come and murder you..

i will try, for your love.

2009-12-29T02:39:00.002+08:00

Working these days, overtime.

There's nothing to do even if I had money to spend.

No one to go out with and shop, everybody is so busy.

But but,

Shopping with darling Yao Hong tomorrow at bugis before work.

Mad Love-d.

It's close to 3 and I'm emo-ing, been sleeping at like 5? 6? and waking up at 10?

I miss that stupid boy so so much.

I've not talk to him for 3 days before, but that's when there's cold war going on lurhs.

And he has no freaking idea when he's back.

So I have no idea too.

I miss his presence & his stupid nonsense.

Sigh.

Stupid baby, come home soon please please.

I'm still cracking my brains on how to celebrate his birthday lo.

I already know what to buy for his present le.

Though it will cost me a bomb, but I'm damn sure he will like it!

Yay-ness, can't wait to see that silly boy's smily face.

Anyways,

It's rather odd.

Each time, when each year is coming to an end, I will feel this extreme reluctance to let go of each year of the memories.

And this year come by, I surprisingly looking forward to the next year, for MORE memories.

I guess, I am growing up after so much.

It's rare, for everything to be so in place, family, relationships, friends.

I guess this is what making me look forward to next year.

It's been a great time with all my girls, and dude.

And it's a great up and down year with my boyfriend and family, even for me.

My longest relationship so far and I grow and learn from each fight, each time we give in to each other, each time i get to know each other more and more.

And to accept how each other.

Same goes at home, I guess, my relationship with daniel let me see a different light at home. I understood love and my parents.

And I understood, the love at home, though I hardly feel them, we all compromised, and now we're all happy actually.

It pissed me off when people say we're young and don't know what is love. Some people may live till 50 before they know.

Some had their true love they've been dating when they are 13 to the rest of their life.

So nobody should question anyone's knowledge of love.

Even teenager, some do know love, more than adults do.

Love is beautiful and subjective.

But love, also is the cause of pain and agony.

I believe, we live to love.

I guess, my biggest wish for 2010 is for Mom and Dad to stop questioning the things I do, I believe, I am mature to know what I am doing and I know what can make me happy.

I can be honest that, they don't know what I want.

Please accept Daniel, like how grandma accepted daddy, against all odds.

And to get my stupid license, no matter how much mom hates that idea of me driving.

And and and. A decent full time office job :)

It's gonna be a blast,

I'm going thailand with baby.

And it'll be my one year with that love.

It's gonna be a great adventure.

And bumpy ride.

2010, bring it on.

Hang in there,

Tammy.

2009-12-25T19:23:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas Everyone

9th Months❤

2009-12-15T02:20:00.002+08:00

* Scroll down below for 2 new entries! *

Met babyy after work.
Went for dinner and walked around.
And look what I saw!!!!

JUP JUP from HI-5!
So cute right, gonna get it.
I'm a fan of Hi-5, but I like the older crew better.
Hate the new people damn er-xin.

HAHA.
ROam and roam all over town, baby gave me prezzie!!

First toys from baby that are not stitch.
I like the strawberry pink toy a lot.
It's always next to me on my bed now as for the flower, it's on my study desk.
:)

HAPPY GIRL.
VERY HAPPY.
WHEE~
Love you baby.
Things are getting better now.
Loving it, so so much.

Last day of work and I went baby's house. and...

This was our supper.
A lot right.
Baby baked and mashed the potato with me. :)
Yumyum.

Gonna make for baby's mom next time, she keep saying she wanna eat, feel bad actually. =/

***

ANW, BBQ with the girls was GREAT beyond words!

Gonna blog next time!

heart-ached.

2009-12-15T01:22:00.001+08:00

Heavily buttered pancakes with overflowing maple syrup always makes me feel much better when suffering from heartaches.

guess, i need some badly now.

Work.

2009-12-14T02:03:00.002+08:00

Was working for slim fit the other day.
Was receiving ALL treatments from them, FOC.

Cos they were using me and an example to teach newbies.
And I get paid for it, so why not.

So, you all know lurhs, slim fit; neh neh treatment.
I had 7 different kinds of breast massage, enhancement, firming.
Now it's so big and uncomfortable.
Yup, all natural, no needle, nothing.
Work a hell lot.

So those with small neh, you might wanna try?
Heh, has slimming treatment and also, Javanese and Balinese Massage.
Awesome right.
They pay me a SUPER reasonable amount per day for all this :D
Lunch provided with tea breaks.
So, WHY NOT RIGHT,

Worked for 3 1/2 days.
HEH, $$$ ROOOLLLLLL INNNN!!!

WHEEE~~~~~

Anyways, the slim fit girls are SUPER CHIO, and SLIM!

This is YenLing, she was somehow like the assistant, buying drink for me and all.
She's super super nice!!!
<3

Producer :)

Super cute director, who enjoys doing massage for me randomly.

Manager, Karen, VERY PRETTY HUH!
Her Diet is scary.

Very cute Dwei, did all my boobs and massage.
She's amazingly cute! and blur. :)

Oscar, mad chio.
The asst manager who did slimming for me, she very strong lo.

Woo hoo, I had fun working la.
Hope Hans give me another assignment soon. :)

fuck it.

2009-12-13T16:58:00.001+08:00

It makes me pissed off, to just stay at home.

It makes me even more pissed off, to have to go out with my parents.

Movida with Juli.

2009-12-09T01:09:00.006+08:00

On Wed, went to Movida @ St James Power Station with Juli Juli.

Sat at the bar,

drink, drank, drunk.

Ate a lot as food were on half prices, called all the the drink we could; FREE FLOW!

Made a few friends, saw a few cuties.

not bad at all.

And then, Camwhore!!

See this girl..

take picture with random people. -.-

Pretty balloons all over the place.

Artistic Chicken Wing

After Movida went over to meet Eileen and Kailin and the rest of the people.
Quite nice to club once in a while.

Had fun.
Then Baby came to fetch both of us home.
Thanks, love.

Starbucks Open House

2009-12-08T23:16:00.005+08:00

Any idea where's my favorite place to send for christmas?

Some where available in Singapore and cool and totally have the atmosphere of christmas infused?

STARBUCKS!

Why?

You know the kind of feeling where it is freezing cold in the Starbucks store, frosted windows and your like in you jacket enjoying the cold, sipping hot coffee and just laughing your time away with your friends or just by yourself, reading or like surfing the net?

That's the closest feeling that I can relate to cold countries during winter.

Gives me this extremely heart warming feeling & allows me to drift away from harsh reality for a while.

So I love Starbucks, the coffee and the friendly staffs :)

Last week went for Starbucks open house @ United Square with Ally, Zee, Sue, Dila.

Lihah and Joelle were working.

It was A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!!!!!!!!

Even the queuing up part for the drink was fun.

Really, though raining and very wet.

Such fun to see Lihah and Joelle. And I think Dayang is so pretttyyyyyy!!!!

Me and Ally as the girls already got their drinks yo.

Like so noisy and so fun in Starbucks, the place is totally filled with our voices!

In case you all are wondering, when the queue was empty for that tiny few minute, we CHIONG out of the store and queue again!

JUST FOR FUN!

And ya la, I kiasu Singaporean la!

Free la, Starbucks somemore! Expensive leh!

Wahaha, we resulted in this...

Terrible, HAHA, mixture of Java Chip and Raspberry Cream for Sue, Toffee Nut and Mocha for Dila I think and Toffee Nut and Caramel Macchiato for me.

Yumyum.

Toffee Nut Latte is FREAKiNG AWESOME! Go try!!!

And the cam whore starts when you are getting a little too crazy.

My feet and shoes were wet, thus the unglam-ness.

Hard working girl studying for PR CA.

In front of a Lancer.

I don't like Lancer. Or Subaru Drivers. Period.

Admiring Tree.

Love this Picture. Credits to Sue.

Silly Sue took Lihah's Apron to take picture!

Poor Lihah. :)

Yes, pout somemore.

Next victim was Dila! OMG.

Paparazzi toward Mummy! Fun!

Wahaha.

I had so much fun that day and I realized it been quite long since I laugh so so so much.

Thanks girls. Another outing soon!!!!!!!!!

I can't wait. Christmas.

P.S. Thanks Zee&Ally for the Photos

would you come after me?

2009-12-07T20:26:00.003+08:00

I'm not gone, I just got very lazy of everything.
Yes, everything.
I'm glad holidays will be here in a week and I'm up with a list if things to do to keep my holidays as packed as possible.
BBQ with the girls, christmas.

Christmas is coming, it makes me excited.

That belonged to this filthy rich family that I went to work for the other day.
Everything in the house is automated, has a elevator, sensor doors and a wine cellar!
Ultra omg.
And I took a few pictures.

That's Yu Shan, a super adorable girl I worked with.
She's mad like me, so we clicked super well.
I wanna work with her again!

Living room, GASP!

Dining table, imagine using napkin for every meal at home.
*Faints.

Hi Chef!

Golden Candle on dining table, madness huh.
Life is unfair.

HAHA.
STARBUCK OPEN HOUSE WAS AWESOME.

Being mad kiasu, we queue two times for the drinks and we're totally drunk on caffeine.
Mad ton of laugher with EVERYONE present.
I love starbucks.
And I had so much fun.

*

Happy Birthday in advance to Aldon Chua Chin Soon.
Your birthday give me an idea how to disturb Daniel Lau on his birthday!!
Wooo hooo.

Camwhore while bored in Aldon's house.
& keep talking to Chia Chin Soon about 'Sweets'.

HEH HEH.

School tomorrow.
Pray I wake up in time.

Toodles.
I'll TRY to update everyday. \

P.S. I'm so busy reading th TWILIGHT series! :)

8th months ❤

2009-11-17T00:49:00.003+08:00

"Our anniversary is a time to look back at the good times and a time to look ahead to live our dreams together."
-Catherine Pulsifer

Even the weather was awesome on our anniversary when we were in Sentosa.
Met up with baby and went to Tanjong beach to play.
Was pretty cloudy until sun came out.
Awesome weather I must say.
We were both burnt lobsters.

See, I never bluff you.

I got a much more even tan compare to the one during POLITE.
LOL.

Wanted to fly a kite, but I couldn't find mine. :(

"On this our anniversary, we may not have wealth, but we do have each other and that is worth more than all the money in the world."
-Catherine Pulsifer

:)

I have to say our trip was quite budget eh.
Only went to the beach, walk around the place, then back to Vivo we go.

I don't know what I was doing, but now I realized the whole ocean looks slanted.

Yay! Happy 8th Months.

& as promised, I bought DANIEL LAU the Ben Sherman tee as promised. :) hope you like it baby.

Then went baby's house to discuss about our Thailand trip and did some research.
It's gonna be so exciting.
And I guess, this is a good time for communications and planning with baby.
Gonna be like, mad fun.

YAy, can't wait.
Have to totally start saving already.

Toodles.

after so long

2009-11-12T21:48:00.002+08:00

Im back in this uniform.

people change, environment changed.
and everything change.
but, i guess, my love for it never changed.

heh.

loving it now.

almost real.

2009-11-08T12:28:00.001+08:00

POL-ITE 2009

An expected match of my performance.

I dare say I miss a lot of arrows,

until 40m and I managed to score better.

And I really wasn't mentally prepared to train due to working to pay Mr Lim

But one thing I am proud,

I shoot, regardless of missing arrow, I shoot all the way.

Im happy.

I think everyone did their best.

And I can officially step down, don't hold that title and pass down to Goh Hong Hui and Kelly.

Like what baby said, they will so a good one :)

And purple sisters,

again I' proud of you girls, though we seldom talk and all.

I care about everyone in this club.

cos all are my juniors.

Zhen, Hui Ping, Boon, Uncle Nicky, Farhan.

And all

Even the Auntie Yun.

Haha.

It was a good day not until I fell ill the next day.

It's been so long for me, to shoot so much.

I learn.

For now, I will continue, to pay off all my debts, before I touch that pinky of mine again :)

Alex: Hope you will be stronger and remember your friends are always here for you ^.^v

Baby❤

Thanks for the support all the way.

Next year it's your turn!

I'll be there like how your there for me :)

I love you.

forever is so far

2009-11-06T23:18:00.002+08:00

Maybe I should start updating more.

I've chose to go back to My Humble House to work.

Feels more like home, feels more like me.

I have so much memories of growing up there.

So it's goodbye to Sidewalk Tavern already.

& hello, MHH.

Polite tomorrow.

First competition that I know the outcome,

I go no one to frag down, no team on my burdens.

I know my limits, so no high hopes or what eh.

Just shoot & miss arrow.

Maybe it's a good decision to pass down early got Goh Hong Hui.

Doing quite well & I do hope the club will be better when Alex and Xin takes over.

I've move on to other things I've yet to achieve.

Like getting to know the juniors more.

I'm like so madly into being 'captain', that I lost touch.

But well.

Life is getting ok,

I fall and learn.

And I hurt some people around me & got hurt.

But I see another perspective in life.

And it ain't getting me down.

&Baby,

thanks for loving me at my ugliest.

You know what I mean.

I will be back in action in class soon, girls, give me time eh.

I will,

and will be.

And Hui Ting,

very suay you team with me, but I'll try my best to get things done. :)

Some things in life, we are left with no choice eh.

Gotta sleep,

Mac breakfast tomorrow, yums.

I'll stand by you

2009-10-29T15:53:00.002+08:00

Wasn't able to have any rest this week.

Work; before and after school.

How crazy is that and how am I able to keep up with everything in my life?

I'm losing touch with everyone.

And it's not good at all.

All to pay debts and money I owe.

Wedding Photos are coming up once I don uploding them to flickr.

It was all good and nice meeting all my cousins.

And I've been texting Shili and Foo Chu Zhen !

Wooo hooo.

We shall have more talk talk soon :)

I think maybe I should lbog more often so my readers will be like back.

Blog feels so dead.

Halloween coming up, no festive mood.

Kinda looking forward to the next holidays.

Projects, Assignments.

I'm so glad it's my last semesters.

I'm stucks, honestly, between Poly or Work.

Sudden I know.

But I felt, maybe there shoult be more I could do in life.

Maybe, JUST MAYBE, I could go further.

I'm madly confused.

How eh?

K Bye,

Going to Town with Boyfriend, broke.

How sweet.

i don't wanna sleep tonight

2009-10-25T23:40:00.003+08:00

Mom's PMS is getting out of hand, somebody save me.

She would scream at shout at me all she want,
then when Dad is at home, she is so angelic to give me eclairs!

Can you f-ing believe it!?

It's easy to get into a relationship, so much harder to maintain it.

He is the world's most idiotic dickhead and asshole, but still, I love him, so much.
Ton my house the other day and he kept laughing at how easy business course studies were, wait till you do the exams la k!
Humph!

Neways, watch movie with him, ages since we caught a movie, last movie was like Gamer?

This movie got quite a bit of impact on me.
Talking about the Iraq war and the US army.
Nice.
Very nice and caught me thinking how lucky I am to be living in Singapore though I hate it a lot.

Stupid idiot keep asking me to buy a GUN for him-.-'''
I told him I will buy when we are out of Singapore.
He's out of his mind.

Stupid idiot and me are planning to go Thailand, any takers ??
Wee hooo!
Gonna be extremely fun, we're not going shopping, but for SPA, water sports, recreation and just relax.
Awesome, just the kind of holiday I always wanted.

Anyway, I caught two stitch, aiyo, my baby was the sponsor, extremely happy.
The stitch still got bling bling one leh, cute no?

Seee, cute huh.
So proud of me!

HAHA, home form work, and I'm madd hungry.
Off to my maggi mee.

Bye bye.

Since I don't have you.

2009-10-23T01:56:00.002+08:00

One day, it will be my time.

Maybe it's time, to let "EVERYTHING" go..

As I breath, the pain seeps in and penetrates.

I know my post sound extremely exaggerating, but it's the words, saying me and how I feel, exactly.

It's been so long.

& I never felt this kind of exhaustion before.

I've trip over myself, countless of times today.

And I could feel my energy depleting.

I found myself brain dead, not thinking.

I can't think.

I don't even know, what hurts the most now.

I have no idea, how long can I still stand tall.

And strong.

I am not, actually.

I am not strong, or as strong.

I really can't hold on anymore.

3 jobs driving me crazy.

All I do is to pretend I am okay, all fine.

I gave everything I could.

When I push you away, since when you will come and hold me back.

When you know you hurt me, when, when you tried everything you could to east that pain?

Maybe, it's time, to really think, to let go or not.

fuck you.

2009-10-21T12:35:00.002+08:00

You asked me how much jobs I wanna work.

Why not ask yourselves,

how much money you give me a week, and how much money you give to pay off coach's debts.

Why not ask yourself this.

Do you think I wanna spend my night not sleeping and working?

Do you think I like to work everyday after school and continue working after that?

Do you even understand what I am going through.

Does ANYONE understand.

The effort to go to school on time even how tired I am.

try.

2009-10-15T00:27:00.001+08:00

If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you’re the one would you believe me
If I ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don’t leave me
The world is catching up to you
while your running away to chase your dream
Its time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
and maybe I'm not ready

if I sing you a song would you sing along
or wait till I'm gone , oh how we push and pull
if I give you my heart would you just play the part
or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful
am I catching up to you
while your running away , to chase your dreams
its time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
and maybe I'm not ready

love drunk

2009-10-11T13:39:00.002+08:00

Ok, My mom's being a bitch, after discovering a menopause medicine, it didn't make me change my mind or any opinion about her.

Menopause or not she's crazy.

So it didn't make as different.

Anyways, yesterday went dinner with baby's family at Kranji Resort.

Awesome man.

Food was great, the family so much different and friendly.

So much fun among the cousins.

Yum the food, chili crab, cereal sotong, assam fish all like ultra yums, enjoy myself there.

Happy Birthday Uncle.

Then to Night Safari with Baby love.

Thanks baby, had fun before school starts.

Damn excited, don't laugh at me, it's my first time at Night Safari.

Tram ride was awesome, it's not like what people say lor, cannnot see animals or what, can see lo, A lot some more.
The 'NEVERLAND' was awesome!
Scary! but juts great ,the people was awesome.

He and his stupid ideas!

Had a great time.
Then Baby drove me home.
School starts tomorrow & i am working closing for today and tomorrow. -.-

a profound story.

2009-10-07T00:04:00.005+08:00

*ADVERT BELOW!*

It's been quite long since a proper entry.

So much drama mama going along and I'm down with this madness flu that makes me all grouchy and moody.

Nevertheless, there's always new juicy updates to keep me alive and beeping hyper.

I always thought there will always, ALWAYS be a certain level of tolerance in someone's tolerance level.

Even if she is quiet shy, it seriously doesn't mean you know, it is okay to climb all over her like you own the world.

Nobody in this world like owes you anything at all.

Couldn't believe some people could be this hoping mad.

You know, literally.

Initially I thought it was insane, then it was Mad.

Notice I use "it".

Cos I guess, using "it" is polite enough for an animal, or a thing, without feelings.

Nothing much left to say, all true self will be reveal by it's vulnerability.

You know,

I wonder if it was the most insulting period in my life, for that period of time ,you ever liked me and keep going after me, telling me that I was important.

Or even need me to be behind, so as you could get a metal piece display.

I guess, ever since, you never get any metal piece anymore.

Sheer Dumb Luck.

Maybe you really do need me that much for all this :)

It's not normal, when your the only one like this when the rest at not "it".

It's not normal, when the cycle repeat overs for so many years, and nothing ever changes.

One word.

Cheap

Awww, regret now that you were ever once so crazy in love with me,

Want try falling in love with me again so you can get metal piece?

I can get arrogant cos I never make mistakes like you do.

I'm speechless about all this.

I'm scared I said too much, "it" might blow up in anger and eat me up.

EEEWWWW.

***

School's starting like next week, It's like a reality check to go on the last time and it's working time.

I'm still confused on the future path, but oh well.

I live today, tomorrow, tomorrow then day! Waha.

I'm looking forward to Public Relations.

I suppose Mr Henry is teaching us that?

Trial on Friday, damn rush. -_-'''

Oh well, life goes on.

_____________________

NEW THIS MONTH! :D

FULL COLLECTION

as usual, photobucket is killing me again ... ):

its still possible to view the photos.. click on one of the

"bandwidth exceeded

photobucket box" and click on view album , jinlian 2

and jinlian for the previous

collections..

navy millitary vest

28$

17" ptp

21.5"down

Padded zipper dress

28$

17.5"ptp

31" down

MY BF'S SHIRT!

24$

19.5"ptp

29" down

Captain Jack's

30$

16.5"ptp

18"down

Pointy lace cardigen

32$

17"ptp

21.5"ptp

Rounded stud Jacket

30$

18"ptp

18"down

Glossy Matt Leggings

18$

12" waist

34.5"down

Ms Shoulder Pads

28$

18"ptp

27.5"down

Biker's F.vest

32$

17"ptp

21"down

"X" bandage

26$

13"waist

15"down

Fringe Dress

26$

14"ptp

32"down

Fish Net Skirt

26$

12"ptp

18"down

Knitted

30$

18"ptp

30"down

interested parties email me at : xiaolian_99@hotmail.com

order format:

name:

address:

postal code:

contact number:

item *1:colour:(if required)

quantity :

postage: normal $1: registered $2.24

*i will reply to confirm your order within 48 hours.(payment can be done through transfer of posb savings , 209-21171-8)(for transfer, please state your name as the title of the mail take a picture of the reciept and mail it to my email)*i will not be responsible for any lost of items so i advise you to op for registered postage for safety purpose.*goods sold are not refundable or exchangeable unless the flaw is a major one.*please ensure that the address given is correct.thanks for shopping at my site.will inform your guys once my site is done !lovelove.

question

2009-09-29T20:48:00.001+08:00

If,
Another should come;

who's finer than me
& she wanna take your love away would you leave?

let's go to the park, I wanna kiss you underneath the stars

2009-09-23T23:34:00.001+08:00

STEAMBOAT WITH GFFs❥.

Monday, lao sai-ed like nobody's business, went to have steam boat with girlfriends to celebrate JANICE and JULI birthday.

Sorry girls have to leave early cos the pain was killing me, but it was good meeting you girls.

Another meet up soon, just call me, I'm super free :)

Less training now wooo!

Mr Lim say no more opening of doors, only 2 times max per week.

Hope you both girls have a great 19.

I love you girls so much, though we hardly meet and all, I'm always thinking about you girls, talking about you girls :)

*Waiting for Juli for pictures

****

Went out with Baby❤ today.

Walked around Plaza Sing, then Pasta for lunch, YUMS.

I booked tickets online for GAMER and we wanted to watch this.

Mom said I was KIASU like mad cos I book like on Sunday?

When the movie is like today.

I wanted the back row and couple seat mah..

TRUST ME,

MOVIE is awesome, even for someone like me who don't like action fighting movies.

The plot is great for me though the movie is a little too short.

Guys would love it.

M18 though, gross and nude scene.

Before walked around ION, then went into BEBE.

AND

BABY BOUGHT ME MY RHINESTONES TEEE!!! OMFG!

Felt a bit bad cos like it wsa quite ex, but to boyfriend, $79 for a top is "OKAY ARH!"

He thinks it's worth it cos it was "MADE IN USA"

Thanks love, you have no idea, how happy, touched, and all I was.

BEBE got new catch of hoodie.

The kind I wanted $159, God save me.

Mad Happy, thanks baby, I LOVE YOU!

ION orchard service wasnt very good, the moment I stepped in, no one like, serve? Even when I tried them on, but when BABY like said he'll buy service got a tad bit better, Go Wisma, service better but ION has a much larger outlet store.

Then walked around, then god so bored, went to play pool with Baby.

I think it's quite fun, just boyfriend and me, relax, but playing with him bring some challenge he's good lo.

Instead of just walking around to shop, this bring good interaction and bonding too, heh :)

Wait for time to pass, then camwhore!

Quite like photos today,
All are like nice.
heh.
After movie, went to Woodlands to meet his friends then home!
Whooopies.

Hello to my bed soon.
LOVE GFF.
LOVE baby.

*I hope your okay, I failed as a friend & I'm sorry, if anything I can help, let me know. I love you you know.

leave out all the rest.

2009-09-20T03:58:00.003+08:00

Baby's going M'sia tomorrow.

I will be bored at home then family outing. -.-

Sigh.

Waiting for 21 SEPT!

GFFs~

Tanning!

I'll miss my boyfriend.

Passed 6th months and I barely knew it.

Time really flies.

can we love again.

2009-09-19T00:04:00.002+08:00

Holidays is ultra awesome and packed.

Hanging out late nights, training and shopping, life is so awesome right?

For 2 days in a week, I'm at at home!

Woo hoo!

More to come, getting out of home is mad loved by me..

Life is so awesome suddenly.

Meeting girls on Monday for some sun!

60 cents for coke and green tea at school for 500ml due to a screwed up vending machine.

New clothes. new bags, more to come.

Couple slippers with Baby.

HAHAHA.

Life's good and I want everything to stay like this.

Advert Again :)

2009-09-12T17:26:00.000+08:00

My Ah Lian has a new set of collection and I'm quite slow in the update :)
This collection is like aweaome, a few are liek sold out already man!

Silver
$24
COMES IN PEARL & GREY

Beany Bean
$ 22

Animal Party
$22

Zhanel (Last Pieve)
$32

Netty Rib
$24

De Moda (Leggings)
$18

Back Door (Top)
$22

XL
$24

Color Clash
$24

Checkss
$28

Acidic
$24

Riches
$24
(Black & White)

Studddds with Chains
$24

Knitted Vest
$24

Cropped
(black & White)

Floral Blaze
$30

BFB
$30

Miilitary Dress
$26
(Blue & Black)

Biker's Hawt Shorts
$24

Spot me
$24

Ripped
$24

Mili Jac
$30

Dyed Leggings
$18

Sidee
$24

Black Blazer
$25

Brown Cube $36

Grandma's Sling
$26
Two claps instead of one, extremely unique!!!

Accessories
$12

interested parties email HER at : XIAOLIAN_99@HOTMAIL.COM

order format:

name:

address:

postal code:

contact number:i

tem *1:colour:(if required)

quantity :

postage: normal $1: registered $2.24

*she will reply to confirm your order within 48 hours.(payment can be done through transfer of posb savings , 209-21171-8)(for transfer, please state your name as the title of the mail take a picture of the reciept and mail it to my email)*she will not be responsible for any lost of items so i advise you to op for registered postage for safety purpose.*goods sold are not refundable or exchangeable unless the flaw is a major one.*please ensure that the address given is correct.thanks for shopping at my site.will inform your guys once my site is done !lovelove.

sometimes love aint enough

2009-09-10T20:37:00.001+08:00

There's a danger in loving somebody too much.
& it's sad when you know, it's your heart you can't trust.

Never Ever

2009-09-06T16:41:00.001+08:00

I've dealt with all this for 19 years 6 months on my own.
I'm sure I can go on for the rest of my life until all of you die.

I can I will.
I am going to force myself to.

I am attached with a boyfriend that I thought will ALWAYS be THERE you know, PHYSICALLY, have loads of friends that love me.

Yet, I still have to go through all this on my own.

Since when did you tell me, "you'll never have to go through all this on your own anymore"
Or even, "I'll be there for you?"

Never, close to 6 months, NEVER
And forever never.

I realize the cost of x10s.
The value and importance of them, is higher than me.

Right, BOYFRIEND?

tonight's gonna be a good night.

2009-09-02T13:31:00.001+08:00

BABY WILL BUY ME A BEBE TANK, BEBE HOODIE, GUCCI TOTE, & GUCCI ROYAL PURPLESTRAPPY HEELS.

Awesome.

haha,

more updates later when I'm done with my lunch.

stained red.

2009-08-27T12:30:00.000+08:00

Vomit twice this morning.
One time was stained red.

I can't move.
Something is wrong, Right?

习惯

2009-08-25T21:19:00.001+08:00

当你问我，能做什么让我开心。
我说不出口
不只因为我不知道，
是我知道

你，跟本做不到

历史不断重演，我好累

A small cabin that lives big.

2009-08-25T00:38:00.003+08:00

Can I live in a house like this in the future, pretty please.
It's awesome.

BABYYYY!
Build this house for me okays? :)

we are the "idiot 4"

2009-08-23T23:23:00.001+08:00

Saturday, woke up early to meet Wendy to train at Zheng Hua.

Baby love trained too.
Passed bareshaft so decided to start shooting long distance already.
Then it's was not bad, improved for 50m already.

Stayed to watch Pesta a bit.

Saw people I've yet to see for a long time!!
MISS LUI & PARK KIM MUS
TENG ND DI AND YUE ER.
HAHA, saw their gfs toos.

Weather was freaking hot.
Stayed a while, then went to Baby love's house to change & meet Darren and Bao Zhen to go Orchard.

Nua-ed and bus to orchard already.
walked all over as Darren wanna get birthday present for his dad.

Played a lot and came up with this nonsense of the "4 idiot"
I think 4 of us know that joke. HAHA.
I wanna that 4 idiots thing to happen man.

Had at Waraku.
*Applause* for Bao Zhen's appetite. She really can eat ALOT!

BABY love and me shared the squid ink pasta.

BEFORE

AFTER

HAHA, funny right.
Then Baby's and my stomach kept hurting after the squid ink.
HAHA.

Then, happily, we went out to slack.
Drive lorry!!

We went to henderson waves!
Awesome place, just wayy too high up man. HEH

Then drove all over to Changi then send Zhen home and Yeo.
Freaking tired, but fun fun fun!!

Woots.

Rot home whole day.

complete.

2009-08-19T23:35:00.001+08:00

Complete is subjective.
Completion, can actually change someone's life, now and when time comes.

As cliche as everything will sound, I was indeed incomplete.
Till, one fine day, Daniel Lau stepped into my miserable, yet interesting life.

I knew his existence, due to my ex-boyfriend.

So when I joined Archery, I was scaling for as what Derrick described "big size" guy.
Saw his one day in club room when talking to Wendy.

And I thought to myself. that's Daniel Lau.
It never ever occurred to me that one year later, he would be the one, holding my hand, walking through life and bringing me to maturity and grow with me.
Never thought, but yet.
It did happen.

He wasn't very friendly towards me for quite some time.
I'm like an overactive younger sis, longing for the older brother to talk to her.
Yet, he was the most simple guy I've ever met, listening to his MP3, indulging in his plain water, doing his own things.
I was very disturbed by the fact he was so not friendly, yet he could have so much fun with the other buddies.

I came to know the reason why anyway.

So we did not talk much, interact.
Just acknowledge each other's existence and I guess that's it.
I knew a Daniel Lau exist & he know a Tammy Chua exist.

He is always known to me as Ah Lau, god knows since when.
I was craving for a time to talk to my boyfriend's cousin.

One day, problems arise and I went to him crying, not knowing who to turn to.
I poured my heart out, and he talked to me more, pat on my shoulder like a little sister, saying everything will be alright.
I guess,somehow I knew, my tears had shocked him as I am always bouncing around, happy.
& I showed him, how vulnerable I was, actually.

Soon, he was there, giving me advices, talking to me, playing with me, we came up with games to have fun during training along with Jian Hui and others.
Very little girls in the club, so I hang out with so "Ah Lau" & "Bai Lian".

Both of them, eventually became emotional pillars for me,
like big brothers I can always turn to.

So Ah Lau was in my life already.

This was the first picture I took with him. During my first competition, Inter-ITE. I remembered him telling me before the competition starts, "If being with him is too hard for you, let go, you'll see better ones."

I was too in love that point of time, I guess.

He's what I described, happily into his plain water, & me like a little sister all over him. Haha.

Since we're close, I have this fetish of biting him and Jian Hui, causing them to siam me all the time.
They was awesome friends, and I totally had no idea how he tolerated how stubborn and how I always wanted things my way.

We went out had fun, bite him, to release my stress.
He was a poor thing, but I guess, he just had play along, as a friend and as a big brother.

I lost my boyfriend, the next day.

I cried, like I had 10 litres of tears.
I vent I did everything to vent.

Daniel, Jian hui, Jing Hao, Ong, Kelly, Even Hong Hui was there.
Brought me to eat, yet I couldn't.
Bought me Ice Kacang, and kept feeding me.
Bought me a Stitch to make me smile.

I thank you all.

I wasn't okay,
But they were just there, buddies, brothers and went through the break up with me along with all my girlfriends.
Nothing struck me until one day, KaiLin said this to me,

"Have it ever came across your mind that Derrick is just that passerby in your life, and the connection for you and Daniel?"

No way, and It will never be.
I told her and myself, aware of my feelings and his.

All the time, he was the buddy and my best friend.

Most of the people are starting to feel our compatibility, just not the two of us.
We are always like this:

Buddy like. & that's all.

I always enjoyed watching him shoot.
No idea why though he is such a plucker.

For a long time, we were just friends, buddies, as the story goes.
I realize, he is not ordinary.
He is someone, blur forgetful, sometimes insensitive,
But there is something about him that is good, beyond words.

His Sincerity and his Loyalty.
Something so precious, you seldom find in guys these days. His sincerity, was something that captured my dead heart.

As time past when we knew each other better, he become someone that I will always have texting with me, calling when I want to hang out.
Somehow, a part of me.

I started to feel weird when Ah Lau is not around or I never text him.

One day Hong Hui told me, "Didn't you realize that you laugh more, smile more, enjoy more whenever Daniel Lau is around?"

I realized.
Something is bubbling inside, some emotions are starting to spur.

I did felt happier when he was around, that's because he is my buddy right?

*

Very fast, we spent christmas together along with Wendy, Jian Hui, Daryl, Teng Ng.
Awesome christmas with them, I swear.
It's always entertaining to Wendy.

I grew very comfortable around Ah Lau that I am who I want to be, even when I nap till I am totally tak glam, he will be there to make sure I don't catch a cold, or if I am too uncomfortable cos it feels warm.
It's the sincerity he had that is so pure.

Poor thing.

I guess, feelings and emotions are hard to control.

We had countless fun outings, to everywhere you can think of, watch movies, climb hills.
We interacted more and more.
And I see a good guy with a bright future ahead.

He was there, during competitions, everything just felt right, when he's there.
MY all time favorite picture.

He learnt how to counter me too.

When I was most nervous, he wa there, supporting along with my one and only di di.

One day, I guess I guess knew.
He's the one, that I really want,

And I guess, at that time, he knew his feelings too.

There was no sweet courtship of going out on dates, movies, him giving me flowers, or whatever sweet stuff that can be thought of.

But we were clear what we wanted and who we wanted.
Everyone thought we were a couple.

But it will till 15 March, my buddy Ah Lau was my boyfriend.

He taught me, life valuable lessons.
We learned form each other, so much, and I had the most precious thing, that same sincerity that is still so pure and genuine.

I still have so much more to learn about him.
And we fought, quarreled cried, yet, I still need him, cos he's the one, that walked through my darkest time, knew my weakness and loved me selflessly, and it was all sincere.
The sincerity, I need to used and learn to love him more, and not my stubbornness and selfishness.

I guess, our love, started form Archery. If not, how will I know such a great guy I love.
I always will want to see, the guy I love, doing my favorite sport as we grow together.

Thank you,

For loving me.

I will hold on, and LEARN, like how you did.
We'll walk, and walk this path, till we can't walk no more, then we'll try skating or what :)
And stay by here, and hold my hand like how you did the first time you held it .
Don't let go of my tiny tiny hands, though it slips away easy,

我会紧紧看守这份爱...

everything.

2009-08-19T00:48:00.001+08:00

You were everything to me.
& you took everything away.

gone~

sweetest thing.

2009-08-17T21:07:00.000+08:00

I think my boyf done the sweetest thing ever.

Woke up in the morning and he texted me that's he's gonna bring Hot Cakes over for breakfast!

Wooopieeeeee!!

Mad happy, was craving for mac's breakfast and I haven't had hot cakes for a long long time.

So I continue sleeping till he came, breakfast, and he drove me to school.

In school at 12.59, idiot, kenna outside,
Didn't know got 5 min allowance sia!

Then nua in club room and did my own self study.
I finished two chapters ok!

Then after school met boyf for dinner.
Sweet Potato porridge with side dishes, YUM!

advert:)

2009-08-16T17:07:00.002+08:00

I'm doing this Advert for this Xiao Tian Tian. HAHA
She's Jin Lian. A good friend of mine since secondary school.
Gonna like meet her soon , miss her so much.

Anyways do support her blog shop. The clothes are really very very NICE.
I feel like buying a few too:)

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sense of shame

2009-08-13T23:14:00.005+08:00
"Something hit my limits today. "

EVM presentation was awesome, thanks to every group members of mine, I love you all.

Anyways, back to my story,
I had enough of you,

Lau Cher Eng

September 8 1991
lauce88@hotmail.com
Pasir Ris
blog spam :) with your name we're not cowards.
facebook

P.S. Interested? I have her HP no too. Get from me.:)

You are one shameless bitch and a hell of a stalker.
Why you keep messaging my boyfriend then come and get close to me.
God i really thought you were nice!
Then you keep tagging his ex-girlfriend as well.
SO what you like him before and whatever.
Get over it, it's P-A-S-T already.

Your freaking my nerves, don't force me to take a bus dow to SP just to slap you.
Stop contacting my boyf and stop trying to act nice.
You going home also tell my boyf for fuck.
Find your own guys!

I still thought you were just trying to make friends, but I sense something wrong.
You are a stalker, sure read my blog all the time one.

Not happy?
Clemenit ITE Netball Court/Archery Range.
Find me there luhs.
Pasir Ris also can, your home town what right.

God danm it, you know what is SHAME?
Can't call you a slut or a whore, cos they are good enough to fuck around,
Bitches are pretty too.
Oh my.
Shamless.

no boundaries

2009-08-13T01:18:00.001+08:00
Friday night, headed to training, skipped national days celebration cos' I know it's gonna be shit ass boring.
Then boyfriend drove me home, changed then we head out to meet his ITE friends.
Bao Zhen came too.
Fun fun~

Then stoned all the time on Sat.

Sunday went to pray then my family decided to catch a midnight movie.
So we book tickets for Where Got Ghost at 1.40am.
Ultra boring while waiting for movie to start,

Oh yes, Finally got my Hoyt shirt from Mr Lim.

I like this the best!
Nice!

Wahaha.
Then monday met my boyfriend at CityHall.
We were so bored, we went to flyer and walk around the place.
Boyfriend keep wanting to take a ride on the flyer but I was like no!!!
Heh.
Sorry la.
Next time K boyf.

Wahaha,
Settle down for ice-cream.

YUmyum.

Then HE FINALLY TOOK PICTURE WITH ME.
*opens Champagne & calls for fireworks*

Then went town walk all over ION here there, everywhere.
Yup, headed home.

Formal wear tml~ !
WHeeeee!

You must be the reason I decided to cry

2009-08-09T03:08:00.001+08:00
It's tiring.
To solve all this.
Touched the thorn on the rose and I'm bleedin'.
I guess, over time, pictures faded, left with an empty frame.
It take time to make sure the picture stay clear enough.
Clear enough to hold on to the memories.

I don't wanna be left with nothing by the end of the day.

P.S.
Thank you, Lindis and Ah Yeo & Zhen as well !

i'll find my heaven one day

2009-08-07T09:55:00.003+08:00
"You were everything to me at one point in time"

Right now, you should reflect on your doing.
& you ruin everything I had of you.

Right now, my heart has died and there is nothing you can do to bring it back.
Reflect on your doings and see how it brought us today.
You crushed everything with your own bare hands.

Why everyone ask me to forgive you, give you time.
Then who the fuck give me time.
WHO THE FUCK WILL TELL ME " TAMMY NOT YOUR FAULT, JUST TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU WANT TO HEAL YOUR PAIN"

Why is it that I'm in so much agony, all they can say is to forgive & give you time.
Is it not enough,
Can you remember the times I forgave and the time you asked for forgiveness.

Why is it that even people like Derrick look like an angel compared to you?

I don't know what to feel anymore & I don't know what I should feel anymore.

I only know,
I am selfish.
I want this agony to end.

I lost myself and who I am all cos' of this, cos of you.

能不能不爱了，因为爱太痛了

2009-08-07T00:47:00.002+08:00
Today, I saw a kind of love that I will never ever get from you.
&I can stop dreaming.

Enough means enough.

I have my life to live.
Now the world turned against me cos of you.
What did you do & What can you do.

Please, take it as I am on my knee begging you.
Spare me from this agony, please.
Enough le.

I don't know leh.

2009-08-05T23:11:00.004+08:00
Suddenly,

my life had so much unexplained complications.
why oh why.

*New scrump toy today, OMG de happy.
Thank you boyf & those who contributed(Honghui, Darren, Jianhui, Wendy, Zhen) with all the miracle money popping :)
HEH.
Though super tiny, but filled with memories :)

what am I doing,

2009-08-04T22:22:00.009+08:00

*edited @ 1159pm

I always thought I was all that.
& I was important enough for the changes.

Wrong wrong wrong!

Sometimes Love just ain't enough.

*would you even know I wanna watch firework this sunday?

**
突然觉得，爱，很累。
一对结婚二十多年的夫妇也会有觉的爱对方很累的一天吧。

我看到我生边的人一天有一天的为爱情而有累有辛苦，很心酸。
自己也无一的怕的起来。

真的很痛吗？
再痛的爱，我也体验过了。
再难过，也难过了。

对不起，
我怕了。
不会爱了。
忘了怎么爱了。
累了。
被忽略了。
受不了了。
心，痛了。
不想多想了。

好难过。

Quoted from Yong Le,
my ex bf, HAHA, he sure has grown in maturity and I'm really happy for you dude. :)

Always talk things out. Now guys, I know this is not ur fave pastime or mode of resolving issues, but u know what? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to xpress urself better so that ur partner undrstands what u're angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When u stop talking to each other from the heart, it's the beginning of the end.

Meet each other halfway. If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The_Rock" print, u shouldn't kick up much of a fuss if he asks u to keep ur room tidy. There's gotta be a little giving and taking in a relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.

Respect each other. Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is u love to laugh at. Ask urself if she thinks if its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.

All of us go thru' spells of insecurity at the beginning of the relationship, but don't translate that insecurity into jealousy. If u're gonna go through ur partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, u know something is wrong - with u!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru' the relationship before finally killing it. Trust ur partner; love has to have trust in it.

Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly! When we say "be honest", we mean expressing ur feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel.When u're hurt,say so,and when u're angry,tell him/her, w/o getting hysterical.If u can't be honest with ur partner, who can u be honest with?
He really grown a lot in love.
Understand girls so well now!!!!

P.S. I highlighted those part that boyf should learn, I guess my blog is the best way to reach out to you, ONLY IF YOU READ EVERY SINGLE WORD, not not be so lazy to read.
You can read text book and I don't get what is so difficult in reading your girlf's blog.

no rain, just all sunshine.

2009-08-03T00:46:00.004+08:00

If I have that choice,
I would chose for time to stop today.
Right here.

Baby want me to blog big big about today.

HAHA.
So, I will blog BIG BIG.

Baby went to train in the morning while I was very busy sleeping.

In the afternoon, he came over and pick me up so we head to Orchard, Cine.
Had lunch/dinner @ Long John then watch HARRY POTTER!

Finally.
I love all Harry Potter movies and I hate it when people says it's not nice.
Not nice you act la, wah lao eh.

NBCCB.
haha, joking la.

My Dumbledore died.
Not as if I don't know.
But I'm still quite upset bout it.

Anyways, saw Dila in the Cinema with her Ang Moh date.
Coincidence huh.

Proceed to Ngee Ann City as I was craving Bread PaPa cream puff.
Piang, treat me transparent de.
KNN!

Nvm, had Auntie Anne's then Baby drove me home le.

Today is so nice right,
BABY CAME TO PICK ME UP & GO HOME LO.

Super rare.
Must remember today very vividly in my mind.
HEH.

Stoned at my house then baby went home le.

Oh well, though your forgetfull & irritate me at time.
& made me angry with your words.
But still

I love you, so much.
:)

That's all.
I blogged le hor.
WAHA.

I know your motive lo. *winks

P.S I love you.

2009-08-02T02:37:00.002+08:00

Won't it be nice to have a guardian angel watching over you?

when we die

2009-08-01T23:57:00.000+08:00
Porridge
& Lala
& Potatoes
& Cabbage was my lunch/dinner today.

I guess happiness, doesn't comes by easy or as often anymore these days.
Thanks for the memories and everything that is going on now.

You mean everything to me at a point of time.
You make such a difference and you didn't even know.

I tore myself apart all over again.
I guess.

Can't wait for a super long break.
I need it, so much.

2009-08-01T12:36:00.001+08:00
My boyf is MOTHER FUCKING USLESS.

never watch harry potter with me as promised.
cant even accompany me when i got no one to go shopping with.
all he wanna do is sleep at home.

no need talk to me.
oh ya, since when you have my new blog link?

2009-08-01T01:20:00.001+08:00
Life is simple,
It's just not easy.

Suddenly, got the urge for me to blog again.
Talking to baby today about life, made me think a lot today.

Is it so vulnerable to all the splinters and blisters?
Is it strong enough to just overcome everything and anything?
Life.

It's so simple, yet
Just yet,
No one know the answer, to correctly answer to every life question coming my way.

It's not about just being happy with what I have.
I want to be happy with what I have and what I want.

I guess
I guess &
I guess.

My life question was never answer clearly.
Till now, so vague.

Yet,
I push myself already,
to live each day life I'm not gonna live tomorrow.

It's amazing the way things are now.

I've decided that I'm not going to ever care about family, parents.
They are too much of a bother and its always the "adults' business"
It will never ever involve us 'kids', even when I am fifty years old.

Cos, no matter how much affair my father have or whatever shit there is.
There are no answer.
Or how matter how sad and tolerant my mother can be.
There's nothing, that can be any better.
Maybe pray.

The older I get,
The more vulnerable thing get,
and the more its harder to remove any scars.

As I stepped into my longest relationship with my boyfriend,
& as I am slowly going to get kicked out of school

I realized it's always best, to laugh everything through, be happy.
Cos' everything is really to vulnerable, too prone, to heart breaks and hurts.

Yet, throughout all.
I can really say I am loved, by the each and every individuals that I love.
Not reciprocate.
But true enough, I still believe
to fight against all odds.

Cos if I don't believe in this,
I have no idea what to ever believe anymore.
There is still something worth living and worth holding on to.

Honestly, I can't wait to grow up.
I wanna grow up, live in the harsh society and get lost in the dog eat dog world.
I wanna grow up and earn my own money.
I wanna see my girls grow up with me also, and be their braids maid.
I wanna grow up and fly out on my own.
I wanna grow up and live my own.

Suddenly, there is so much things I wanna do.
And I can't wait to do.

Teenage-hood seemed a torture.

HEhh.

Not easy.

unbreakable.

2009-07-31T22:34:00.000+08:00
Today was a sunny day.
BF, I love you so muchie.

Went to school for tuition with Mr Henry and it was fruitful:)
I'm quite looking forward to the other tuitions actually.
Cher, 辛苦你啦 .

Anyways, met with baby, then went to ION orchard.
Super Glamourous.
Loving it, but I love my Wisma and Ngee Ann city more leh.

Then had lunch at my favorite Mos Burger.
Then off the Orchard Central.

Don't really like that place though.
It's so... transparent and so high.
Then it makes me shiver as we get higher and higher.
Nice concept and design, but you will really seldom see me there.

Sat down at the sofa area and had a chat with baby.
Seldom have heart to heart chat.
But love, thanks for hearing me out.
We are so different, yet we can still be together and move toward ALMOST the same goals.
And I'm loving you more and more.
I guess everything is about give & take.

Like what JunJie told me yesterday. :)

Went home.
Stoning right now.

Hungry and off to eat me maggi meeeeee!!

Tse Lyn's BBQ tomorrow and I'm pretty excited.
I wanna see my Secondary school friends!!!!
Miss them all.

studs

2009-07-30T17:06:00.000+08:00
www.bodycandy.com

anyone wanna buy tongue studs or whatever?
text me =)

*

Okay,
I got another ear piercing and I POKE back my tongue piercing.
Tongue did not hurt any bit.

But ear was haha, a hell of a good experience.
First eat piercing using a piercing needle.
The healing is getting there.

And I am very very tempted to get my smiley and my lip piercing.
Bf will kill me seriously.

He relax a lot by letting me have my ear and back my tongue already.
Oh well, he said as long it's not too over.

Lip and smiley not ma :)
haha.

But thinking of the expenses of the piercing, *shivers.
My ear costs $10, cheapest I've found.

Gotta get ready for school tomorrow.
=X

i am craving for a creamy soup right now.

2009-07-30T13:31:00.000+08:00
kay, didn't wake up in time for school yesterday.
Honest, I was having headache.

Suppose to meet bf,
So his message woke me up so I went ahead to meet him.
Vivo, City hall, Suntec, Marina.

Spending times with him are love.
Then met my sis.
Finally bought her birthday present.
Then had Seoul Garden.

Yum, Thanks bf.

Headache again.
Attendance marked for today and no need for me to be in school.
Am I lucky or what.

I guess I will update later,
Feel like going out to chill.

I'm off to cook cambells soup.

**I kinda miss Mr Lim's nagging and scolding.
GOTTA TRAIN SOON!!!!

chances

2009-07-28T01:02:00.000+08:00
Everybody deserves that second chance?
Then what do I do when that second chance is used?

A second, second chance?

*

好想给你会长大的幸福
爱，是送你会长大的幸福

satisfied.

2009-07-27T22:00:00.000+08:00
Went to school today.
Weather's as gloomy as ever.

Oh well, the rain cooled me down, real lot.
I love cold cold weathers/

Chilled a bit and love drove me home.

P.S thanks cher for ur card. =)

hello.

2009-07-26T19:28:00.000+08:00
Somethings deserves a fresh start right?

I am still Tammy.
No worries.

TAMMY

so long.

the big deal

我愛他

its been a while

I love Audi and you cannot stop me.

it's disheartening

Escape with me

yawn.

tik tok

this is it

最后一次的机会了

did you notice that i'm gone?

Eu ainda amo-o

cry me out

:)

I wanted you

bliss.

will you?

can;t feel no heartbeat.

cry

email to make my day

melody in my head

Outing with Baby + BAD DAY

you are what i never knew I always wanted

❤

thirtyfirstdecembertwozerozeronine

i will try, for your love.

9th Months❤

heart-ached.

Work.

fuck it.

Movida with Juli.

Starbucks Open House

would you come after me?

8th months ❤

after so long

almost real.

forever is so far

I'll stand by you

i don't wanna sleep tonight

Since I don't have you.

fuck you.

try.

love drunk

a profound story.

question

let's go to the park, I wanna kiss you underneath the stars

leave out all the rest.

can we love again.

Advert Again :)

sometimes love aint enough

Never Ever

tonight's gonna be a good night.

stained red.

习惯

A small cabin that lives big.

we are the "idiot 4"

complete.

everything.

sweetest thing.

advert:)

sense of shame

no boundaries

You must be the reason I decided to cry

i'll find my heaven one day

能不能不爱了， 因为爱太痛了

I don't know leh.

what am I doing,

no rain, just all sunshine.

P.S I love you.

when we die

unbreakable.

studs

i am craving for a creamy soup right now.

chances

satisfied.

hello.

能不能不爱了，因为爱太痛了